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"How you treat a woman would be to give her flowers just because,  kissing her morning, afternoon, evening and night. Tell her you love her when she tells you she hates you, hug her when she punches you, you have to watch The Notebook and Titanic with her and let her cry because the old woman doesn't remember or because Jack died.

You have too put off guy's night to listen to her ranting about the bitch at work and her boss and how the office was boring because the whole day it was just Bill talking about the savings of the company.


You have to cook her dinner after those kinds of days too. Snuggle with her when you watch those stupid shows that she loves to watch even though they make her cry every other week like "Glee" and "Grey's Anatomy". Cheer with her when some talentless loser wins "The X factor" or "American Idol".

Buy her the biggest box of chocolates you can for under three ninety-nine. Don't complain when she asks you to go out and buy the Blue box of tampons when it's "that time of the month".

That, my dear friend, is how to treat a woman," Mathias finished and took a long sip from  his mug of beer.  "Ah, but what do I know? I'm the biggest jerk-off of the century for never doing any of that with (Name).  I lost her because I didn't do any of that. Because if she asked me to go out and buy some tampons I'd complain and say no..." Mathias chugged down the rest of his beer and turned to Emil, the man whom he was telling this love advice to.

Emil blinked. Mathias said, "I was, and still am a stupid drink that can't hold on to the love of my life.."

"Why, I mean, don't you still love her?" Emil asked. Mathhias nodded.
"Ja, I do...A lot. I never once stopped."
"Then get her back," Emil said, keeping a serious face. Mathias got up and put on his jacket.
"I'll be back later."


-----

Mathias walked down cold and dark streets hastily to get to (Name)'s apartment.

He stood, his breath turning to vapor as it left his mouth, hands in his pockets. He took one hand out, rapping at your door at an erotic pace.


When you opened the door you had your eyes closed and you said out, without looking at Mathias, "What? It's nine O'clock in the damned evening-" you opened her eyes, meeting beautiful blue ones. "Mathias..."

MAthias opened his mouth several times before he said. "I..(NAme), I know I was a dick, and that you probably hate me for hurting you and not caring for you like I should have."

"Mathias, stop. I don't want to hea-"
"No. I want to hold you and kiss you and love you. I want to watch The Notebook with you. I want to listen to you rant about Bill form work. I want to snuggle and watch "Glee" with you even if Rachel Barry is the most prissy stuck up annoying snob that ever walked the planet. I want to buy you a box of chocolates for three ninety-nine at Walgreens and I want to love you. And I want you to love me back..."

You were crying tears of joy by now. "Mathias..I never stopped loving you," you pulled him down by the neck and kissed him passionately.

"You sure know how to treat a woman, Mathias."
I wrote this in math class on paper today. So here it is...

This has a little bit of swearing in it, like two or three swears, but I don't think it needs a warning. Tell me if you think it does and I will change it.

I love feedback so comment please.


I don't own Denmark, Iceland or you.

YEah.
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:iconwhybot221:
Whybot221 Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2015
Wow you just got down every stereotype of the female species...and it was hilarioius...great job:) the only things i would make Mathias do is kiss me, buy me chocolate and tampons and snuggle with me in front of th e tv but were not gonna watch shit like the notebook or titaic or american idol...were gonna be watching South Park, Adventure Time, gorey horror movies and playing violent video games like Mortal Kombat and American Mcgees's Alice...love the story it was so cute:D
Reply
:iconsexyanimelover:
sexyanimelover Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Hahaha thank you! Tbh I wrote this when I was like, twelve and I see so much of a change in the way I write. And dude I love South Park! me and my brother watch that show for hours! Haha I'm glad you enjoyed this.
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:iconwhybot221:
Whybot221 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2015
I've seen pretty much every episode of South Park...Cartman's my favorite
Reply
:iconsexyhotrussianboy101:
Why is it that reader always lives in a apartment can't they afford a house?
Reply
:iconraskylar:
RaSkylar Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2015  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Plus the reader usually doesn't have kids of anything so buying a house would be kinda stupid. Living alone in an apartment is better cause families live in houses. Well most do
Reply
:iconsexyanimelover:
sexyanimelover Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Not all of us are out of college. Not all of us get more than 9.00$ an hour. There are bills to pay. Apartments are cheap. 
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:icon109144:
109144 Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww...this...this was sweet...;w;
Reply
:iconsexyanimelover:
sexyanimelover Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you! I'm very glad you enjoyed it.
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:iconhomestuckluv:
Homestuckluv Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
BILL FROM WORK WAT ARE YOU DOIN IN THE STORY?!?!
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:iconsexyanimelover:
sexyanimelover Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Lolololol. ^^
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:iconawesomesauce21:
Awesomesauce21 Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012
:) This was great.... I don't know why but for some reason it had me crying..
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:iconsexyanimelover:
sexyanimelover Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you so much!!


Aw, don't feel bad. I like when people are in love with my literature~
Reply
:iconapple-girl65:
apple-girl65 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
why can't all men be like Denmark and when I say all men I mean the jerks

great fic hon =3= and that is how you treat a woman
Reply
:iconsexyanimelover:
sexyanimelover Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you! I'm so glad you liked it!
Reply
:iconapple-girl65:
apple-girl65 Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
your welcome
Reply
:iconmemichow:
Memichow Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Student Writer
i don't like glee,i don't know why
Reply
:iconsexyanimelover:
sexyanimelover Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Aw, sorry to hear that, hon..
Reply
:iconmemichow:
Memichow Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Student Writer
^^
Reply
:icondarknecrophadia:
DarkNecrophadia Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012
glad to see im not the only one who doesn't like glee :)
Reply
:iconmemichow:
Memichow Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Student Writer
^^
Reply
:iconxxgulizarchanxx:
XxGulizarchanxX Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012   General Artist
XD its so cute. And in danish
Det er så sødt

=w= must of the danish males have become bad boys

But there's still some gentlemens still I think
Reply
:iconspookbaby:
spookbaby Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That's so sweet!! And he even knows something about Glee xDD
Reply
:iconsexyanimelover:
sexyanimelover Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you!


XD Yupp!
Reply
:iconshihachii:
shihachii Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aaaaaw cute love!

Really sweet ^^
Reply
:iconsexyanimelover:
sexyanimelover Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconshihachii:
shihachii Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No problem at all love!
Reply
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October 25, 2012
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